Bombs Away – Best Toilet Story


Meet Brittany Foster, Pine Knot, Kentucky. Another high vote getter in the American Standard Tell Us Your Best Toilet Story contest and winner of a Champion 4 toilet.

The remains of Brittany's toilet seat.

The remains of Brittany's toilet seat.

If I wasn’t in need of a new toilet I would so not tell this story. As of today, my horrible toilet story will now be known by more than the 2 people involved.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I was outside enjoying the beautiful weather while cleaning out my car. Earlier that day I had enjoyed a wonderful Mexican meal with my mother and sister. In the process of cleaning my back window my stomach began to make a horrible noise and with just recently having gallbladder surgery, I knew exactly what this noise and pain meant. I decided to wait it out a few minutes to let it all settle when all of a sudden the cramping overpowered me. I began to run inside when my cell phone, which was placed in my pocket, began to ring. I nervously reached inside my jeans and attempted to hit the side ignore button since my keypad stays locked.

As I ran into the bathroom, there was NO time to turn on the light. I immediately dropped my drawers and with a hard thud landed on the toilet only to find that the toilet lid was down. It made a horrible cracking noise but I managed to quickly lift the lid only to find it broke in 2 pieces, but I wasn’t worried about it then. I threw the pieces up and quickly did my business. Now when I say business, I mean it was WAR!!! Gas bombs, missiles, the whole nines. You would think our house was under nuclear attack.

Finally I finished, after a few minutes I heard this very soft chuckling noise coming from my pants. I hesitated to pick the phone up but when I did, to my HORROR, it was connected to the guy I had just recently started dating. I quickly hung it up in hopes that he hadn’t heard but within a matter of seconds my phone began to ring again. Acting like nothing had happened I said a cheerful “hello” into the phone to only receive a burst of laughter and an “I heard that….I’ll let you call me back cause you may need a while to clean up.” in response. Needless to say, I couldn’t ever look him in the face again.

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