Archive for Toilet Humor
If you’re a poet and didn’t know it, this contest’s for you!
As a personal fan of toilet humor and the arts, Professor Toilet was beyond thrilled to learn of National Bad Poetry Day (August 18th); an annually celebrated holiday that celebrates terrifically terrible verses and the not-so-gifted poets behind them. This year, we want to recognize all of you closet bards by presenting you with a challenge with a fabulous prize to the best (bad) poem. All you need to do to enter is submit one Haiku or poem about the prize of your choice (see below for options). Here’s an example Haiku with a dash of toilet humor:
Mother Nature Calls
American Standard Answers
Champion in my stall
Think you have what it takes to create some terrible verses and make Professor Toilet and his team laugh? Here’s How to Enter:
To enter to win either (1) Champion PRO Right Height Elongated Toilet in White OR (1) Quentin Widespread Faucet and (1) FloWise Traditional Showerhead in Polished Chrome, leave a comment on this post with your original poem (Haiku, Acrostic, etc.) about the prize of your choice. Limit 5 entries per person.
Professor Toilet and his team will choose their favorite entry on Monday August 19th, 2013 as the winner, so hurry and enter before August 18, 11:59PM ET. No purchase necessary to enter or win. Must be U.S. resident (50 states or D.C.), 21 or older, to participate. Good Luck!
Update: Congratulations to Jackie S. who submitted the following poem:
Champion Pro I love you so,
you flush like no toilet I know,
You flush a phone, a toy a ball,
you keep on flushing through it all.
When someone buys a pro like you,
They help the needy people too.
You stand so tall,
and very proud,
you are a toilet to keep around.
Professor Toilet and his team loved reading through your hilarious and creative entries. Thank you to all who entered and stay tuned for more toilet news and tips on the Professor Toilet blog!
Professor Toilet and his team have been gearing up for Election Day 2012 for the past couple of months reviewing the defining moments of the past performance of the PRO Toilet Candidates and making stops at key showrooms to pick up on leading experts’ insights.
After reviewing some of the key issues on domestic policy (seat up or down?) and the PRO candidates’ platforms (versatile sizes vs. large trapways), have you decided on your leading candidate? VOTE for the Cadet PRO or Champion PRO by commenting below!
Professor Toilet reminds you to get out the VOTE today, November 6th, 2012!
Sometimes it’s called a man cave, a man space or even a mantuary; it’s a place to unwind, indulge in a favorite hobby, play pool or gather with friends to watch the game. In honor of Dad this Father’s Day, we’ve put together some ideas for the ultimate man cave with cues from some of our favorite TV shows. Can you spot the American Standard products we snuck in?
How To Enter:
Does your Dad have a special space where he goes to get away from it all? For father’s day this year, Professor Toilet is giving away your choice of one of our powerful new Champion PRO or Cadet PRO Toilets or a Decorum Urinal to outfit your dad’s space. Just tell us what your dad’s ultimate man cave would be and why you think he’s deserving of a new toilet or urinal. Professor Toilet and his team will pick their favorite response on Sunday, July 1st, 2012 and announce the winner on July 2nd, so submit your entry today. Happy Father’s Day!
Edit: Congratulations to Gerald McCarty whose hilarious poem, “An Ode to Dad”, made us laugh. Gerald’s father must’ve had a huge part in instilling a sense of humor to his children! Read the winning comment below:
An Ode to Dad.
My Dad is an endearing guy, but I fear his water bill is way too high.
His toilet flushes way too much and the old porcelain is unpleasant to the eye.
A new American Standard toilet would be such a great big rush,
And the lower water bills would be a bonus reminded with every flush.
My dear father just turned eighty eight
and a new toilet for him would really be great.
If he wins I could not be prouder
but for his merits I’ll just have to scream louder.
Thank you to everyone who entered our “Ultimate Man Cave” Giveaway! Stay tuned with us as we introduce new givaways and more all summer long!
Professor Toilet tries to avoid controversy, but this must be said. There are two Americas.
The 60 to 75 percent who say that toilet paper should be over.
And the 25 to 40 percent who believe, who truly believe, that toilet paper should be under, a.k.a. The Underclass.
Tearing at the very two-ply of our nation, the toilet paper under vs. over debate even has its own Wikipedia entry, “Toilet paper orientation,” which fills more than 23 typed pages with more than 9,000 words, 129 notes and 119 references.
Toilet Paper Under Over: An Historical Perspective
There was a time in our history when people weren’t torn asunder by over/under. Toilet paper didn’t exist. So that was easy.
The first mention of toilet paper on broadcast television is said to be about the toilet paper under over issue. It’s credited to All in the Family’s Archie Bunker yelling at Meathead for…can you guess? Under, of course.
Another member of the underclass was Ann Landers, who came out and declared her toilet paper orientation to be under. She later said it generated more letters than anything else in the 31 years of her column.
American Standard put the squeeze to the issue twice: first in 1993, with an advertisement and survey conducted at that year’s Kitchen & Bath Industry Show. “Over” won. Our 2008 Bathroom Habits survey reaffirmed the overwhelming preference for “over” with 75 percent of respondents clearly standing up to the Underclass.
Soothing a Nation’s Rift with Quilted Softness
But being America, the Professor is proud to say that for every polarizing issue, there’s always something we can find that unites us. In the case of toilet paper, we can all agree on incredible resentment for the jerks who leave an empty roll.
The Professor’s obsession with issues of toilet performance is world renowned, but it must also be acknowledged that many other factors are involved in having a pleasant (or unpleasant) bathroom experience. The most frustrating and frequently debated issue of them all must be toilet paper orientation: over or under?
The debate itself is as old as the rolls of toilet paper themselves (which, incidentally, date back to 1871) but the Professor was delighted to find an informative article loaded with detailed infographics illustrating the advantages of each orientation as well as important moments in toilet paper history. It’s an interesting article that just might give you pause the next time you need to change the roll.
Earlier this month, the Professor was fortunate enough to spend a day at the American Standard Design Center in Piscataway, NJ with a select group of the movers and shakers of the design blogger world. It is a pleasure to share their insights, reflections, humor, and excellent photographs of the trip:
Paul Anater, who blogs at Kitchen and Bath Residential Design, was especially impressed with some of the company’s unique and functional designs and the fashionable digs the bloggers enjoyed in New York.
Meanwhile, the engineering department’s space age 3-D copier was a big hit with Laurie Burke of Kitchen Design Notes. (The Professor also appreciated the occasional plumbing pun she threw in for good measure, naturally.)
Andie Day (and her photographer’s eye) especially loved the great views and fashionable setting of the rooftop of the Standard Hotel, where the bloggers gathered the night before their Design Center tour.
Saxon and her business partner Rich Holschuh also wrote about the company’s fixture fixation, the “stylish verve” of the American Standard design team, and shared a video of a portion of the tour on the site for their social media consultancy, Adroyt.
Many thanks to everyone who attended! The Professor had a marvelous time getting to talk plumbing with everyone and truly appreciates everyone’s thoughtful commentary.
The Professor is honored, once again, to be part of the Bathroom Blogfest. This year’s theme, in a nod to Mad Men, is “Stuck in the 60’s,” an era when the Professor was in potty training, not toilet science.
American Standard was already a mature market leader, however, following a merger of the American Radiator Company and Standard Sanitary Supply Company in 1929 (see American Standard History). American-Standard, as it was then known, was an early leader in advanced toilet engineering, as seen in this 1968 ad featured on AdClassix.com.
If you think the ad is groovy, American Standard was doing quite innovative marketing at the time. Ever hear of an industrial musical? The Professor hadn’t either, but they were popular from the 50s to the 80s and were typically songs created to rally employees and excite customers.
American Standard actually cut an album in 1969! You have to listen to this classic cut called: My Bathroom.
That would have been a tough era for the Professor. Not a singer.
It was also a tough era on the environment, with toilets still sucking down a full 7 gallons of water for each flush. Contrast that with H2Option, the American Standard siphonic dual flush toilet which uses just ONE gallon on the lowest setting while outperforming the old water guzzlers.
Note: This post is part of the 2010 Bathroom Blogfest, now in its fifth year. This edition has brought together 33 bloggers from the U.S., Canada, the UK and India. For more information about the blogfest, visit Bathroom Blogfest. Look for the tag “#BathroomEXP” on flickr, del.icio.us, Technorati, Twitter and Google, or ‘Like’ on Facebook. A list of participants is below.
|Blogger||Blog Name||Blog URL|
|Susan Abbott||Customer Experience Crossroads||http://www.customercrossroads.com/customercrossroads/|
|Paul Anater||Kitchen and Residential Design||http://www.KitchenAndResidentialDesign.com|
|Shannon Bilby||Big Bob’s Outlet||http://blog.bigbobsoutlet.com/|
|Shannon Bilby||Carpets N More Blog||http://blog.carpetsnmore.com/|
|Shannon Bilby||Dolphin Carpet Blog||http://blog.dolphincarpet.com/|
|Shannon Bilby||From The Floors Up||http://fromthefloorsup.com/|
|Shannon Bilby||My Big Bob’s Blog||http://blog.mybigbobs.com/|
|Toby Bloomberg||Diva Marketing||http://bloombergmarketing.blogs.com/bloomberg_marketing/|
|Laurence Borel||Blog Till You Drop||http://www.laurenceborel.com/|
|Bill Buyok||Avente Tile Talk Blog||http://tiletalk.blogspot.com/|
|Jeanne Byington||The Importance of Earnest Service||http://blog.jmbyington.com/|
|Becky Carroll||Customers Rock!||http://customersrock.net/|
|Marianna Chapman||Results Revolution||http://www.resultsrevolution.com|
|Katie Clark||Practial Katie||http://practicalkatie.blogspot.com/|
|Nora DePalma||American Standard’s Professor Toilet||http://www.professortoilet.com/|
|Leigh Durst||LivePath Experience Architect Weblog||http://livepath.blogspot.com/|
|Valerie Fritz||The AwarepointBlog||http://www.awarepointblog.com/|
|Iris Garrott||Checking In and Checking Out||http://circulating.wordpress.com/|
|Tish Grier||The Constant Observer||http://spap-oop.blogspot.com|
|Renee LeCroy||Your Fifth Wall||http://yourfifthwall.com/|
|Joseph Michelli||Dr. Joseph Michelli’s Blog||www.josephmichelli.com/blog|
|Veronika Miller||Modenus Blog||http://www.modenus.com/blog|
|Arpi Nalbandian||TILE Magazine Editor Blog||http://www.tilemagonline.com/Articles/Blog_Nalbandian|
|Maria Palma||People 2 People Service||http://www.people2peopleservice.com/|
|Reshma Bachwani Paritosh||The Qualitative Research Blog||http://www.onqualitativeresearch.blogspot.com/|
|David Polinchock||Polinchock’s Ponderings||http://blog.polinchock.com/|
|Victoria Redshaw & Shelley Pond||Scarlet Opus Trends Blog||http://trendsblog.co.uk/|
|David Reich||My 2 Cents||http://reichcomm.typepad.com/my_weblog/|
|Sandy Renshaw||Around Des Moines||http://www.arounddesmoines.com/|
|Sandy Renshaw||Purple Wren||http://www.purplewren.com/|
|Bethany Richmond||Carpet and Rug Institute Blog||http://www.carpet-and-rug-institute-blog.com/|
|Bruce Sanders||RIMtailing Blog||http://rimtailing.blogspot.com/|
|Steve Tokar||Please Be Seated||http://stevetokar.wordpress.com/|
|Carolyn Townes||Becoming a Woman of Purpose||http://spiritwomen.blogspot.com/|
|Christine B. Whittemore||Flooring The Consumer||http://flooringtheconsumer.blogspot.com/|
|Christine B. Whittemore||Simple Marketing Blog||http://www.simplemarketingblog.com/|
|Christine & Ted Whittemore||Smoke Rise & Kinnelon Blog||http://smokerise-nj.blogspot.com/|
|Christine B. Whittemore||The Carpetology Blog||http://carpetology.blogspot.com/|
|Linda Wright||LindaLoo Build Business With Better Bathrooms||http://lindaloo.com/|
Even very smart, together folks like the Professor occasionally do something clumsy – like drop a cell phone in a toilet. Everyone knows that water usually means death to a phone, but this helpful guide offers some great tips – like using canned air and a bowl of uncooked rice – to draw moisture out of your cell phone.
Hopefully the Professor won’t have to try out any of these suggestions anytime soon, but it’s good to know that there are some great ideas out there for when they are needed.
It may surprise you to know that the Professor is a big music fan and a regular concert-goer. So the recent news that the famed Glastonbury Festival (held every year in the English countryside) will be taking a year off in 2012 – due to an anticipated toilet shortage, of all things – was saddening to read.
The shortage is being caused by the 2012 Olympics being held in London, as it is expected that most of the portapotties in England will be needed there, with the rental price skyrocketing for the remaining available loos. The Professor must acknowledge that the Olympics is a entirely worthwhile event and an exciting event for Londoners, but still, the idea of missing out on that annual fix of great indie rock and funk performers is quite depressing. In the meantime, the Professor will be flipping through the rolodex of toilet suppliers that is always kept close at hand to see if the UK might have its Olympics and music festival, too.
Memorabilia owned by celebrities and notable personalities is all over eBay, but one item in particular recently caught the Professor’s eye: a toilet – being sold in unwashed condition – that belonged to J.D. Salinger. If you can meet the mind-boggling asking price of $1,000,000, it could be yours. The toilet dates from 1962, and you can tell just by looking at it how old it is – check out the size of that tank!
This commode dates from a time when toilets used 10 gallons of water per flush (gpf) or more. Today’s high-efficiency toilets by comparison use as little as 1.28 gpf, and they are much more streamlined and attractive to boot.
Overall the Professor finds the idea of owning a used toilet that belonged to a deceased celebrity a little unsettling, notwithstanding the urge to use “Plunger in the Rye” as the headline for this post. It is hoped that whomever wins the auction will “enjoy” the piece as memorabilia and won’t try to hook this water-guzzler up to the household plumbing.